McLuvin and the Dong-Shaped Dog Toy

I could say that the thing Myla's good at is sympathy, as if the hollowed space in the pillows were a Hallmark card sent to show me that I'm not alone....not a sign of Queen Myla's ever-expanding empire, slobbering in the down before returning to her bed without even a snuggle. Or maybe this is all just another example of one-up-woman-ship as now even my four-legged friend has got a boyfriend.

He sauntered into our world on a fine Sunday morning. His brindle brown coat sparkled in the sun. His stub stood tall, beginning to beat back and forth as he sniffed in her scent. She did not release the dong-shaped toy from her jowls as he came up to her snout. Instead she growled and ran off in the other direction. And so began the courtship of the cutest new Boxer couple.

Segundo, true to his name, is now my second favorite dog. True to his still-intact genetic package, it should also serve as no surprise that he's absolutely obsessed with Myla's phallic-shaped toy. She has also proved to be quite a typical female in his presence as all her bitchiness evaporates into feigned indifference as Seggie runs circles around her with the toy jutting out of his mouth. His behavior says simply, "Her dong is mine. You mighta had it once, but I got it all the time. This. Girl. Is. Mine."

But this Labor Day, Seggie had to work for his attention as McLuvin, a golden Labrador and his pup brother Blue, trotted over to check things out. A quick sniff here and under there followed by a rather rude exit seemed to confirm McLuvin's disinterest. Myla, not taking well to rejection, promptly flipped puppy Blue onto his back and sat on him, 69-style, growling. In case you weren't sure, this is a dominance thing. Dogs do it and people freak out. I pulled Myla off Blue, who 2 minutes later, was sniffing her butt and trotting alongside her.

Lesson learned: it doesn't matter what name you call yourself or what you do. If you walk around with a banana in your pocket, you're sure to have monkeys (or males??) running circles around you.